We find out relationships with relatives, colleagues, and even casual passers-by, but it is not always possible to agree. Conflicts are a part of our lives. We are all human beings, and we are all different: as soon as our interests (goals, assessments) come into conflict, emotions flare up – and the quarrel is already in full swing. Clarifying relationships is often associated with unpleasant scenes, but they can be translated into a peaceful stream and turned to the benefit of yourself and others.
Express TEST: Is it easy to get you into conflict?
For each answer “A” score 5 points, “B” – 3, “C” – 0 points
You have proposed a holiday plan for the weekend, but home is not happy. how are you?
A. I am calm. They don’t want to – as they want.
B. Please suggest your options.
C. It will affect me. Here they are ungrateful!
Do you often ask for advice from others?
A. Yes, I am interested to know a variety of points of view.
A. I usually listen to others, but I still do it in my own way.
C. No, I’m not interested in other people’s opinion.
Do you see that your friend is coming in wrong? What can you do?
A. I’ll tell him about it and discourage him.
B. I will allow him to make his mistakes, but on occasion I will say: “He is to blame.”
C. I will not do anything – I do not go where I am not asked.
You explain homework to the child, and he soars in the clouds and does not hear. your thoughts
A. offered to take a break – let him tune in to study.
V. try to explain differently to interest him.
C. In your heart you will say that you will not mess with him anymore.
In the company of friends there is a conversation on a topic in which you understand little. will you take part
A. Yes, I will also try to say – what am I, worse than others?
Q. No, I’d better take care of my business. I can maintain a conversation on topics that are clear and interesting to me.
S. Silently listen to what others say.
Results:
- 5-9 points. You start easily by trying to reach other people. Hint: in a dispute, try, on the contrary, to speak quietly and measuredly – it will make others listen to you.
- 10-18 points. In general, you know how to hold yourself in your hands. But you have pain points that are best left untouched. If you feel tension, take a deep breath, count to ten and only then speak.
- 19-25 points. It is almost impossible to involve you in a scandal: you are so restrained! However, there is a downside: even loved ones sometimes do not guess about your true feelings.
Why do we need conflicts?
- This is a protective mechanism : a quarrel occurs whenever it seems to you that your comfort zone and boundaries (psychological, physical) are violated. This is how we defend our own interests and the right to be ourselves
- Self-knowledge : sometimes, it is in the conflict that you more clearly and clearly understand what is really important to you and what is really “not yours”.
- Rethinking : By learning to listen to another person and draw conclusions from difficult situations, you can specify your goals and plans.
- Discharge : Disputes can relieve emotional stress. But do not resort to this method too often – and it is better to do it in the company of someone you are sure of.
The most important thing in any dispute is to find its cause. Often it is not even spoken, and that is why the conflict is not resolved. It subsides, then flares up again. Imagine: when you swear at your husband over clothes scattered around the room, are you really annoyed by all these socks and shirts? It really upsets the feeling of uselessness, lack of attention from your husband, and confidence that he appreciates your work and yourself.
Let’s quarrel according to the rules
- Talk about yourself – about your feelings and fears: “When I see… I feel that…” (send “I” -message).
- Look for compromises. Even where there seems to be no middle ground, a common solution can be found. For example, to accept another’s point of view in one question, and in another – to insist on your own.
- Pause if the conflict drags on . Take a walk alone. Sometimes, on the contrary, it is useful to do something together to feel united with a partner – then the differences will seem insignificant.
- Draw conclusions . When the emotions go away, think about the argument. Formulate for yourself 3 conclusions – it will help in the future not to step on a familiar rake.
5 ways to avoid quarrels with strangers
If it is sometimes useful to clarify the relationship with relatives and colleagues, then it is definitely not worth spending energy on quarrels with neighbors in turn.
- Avoid direct eye contact . This way, the aggressor will not be able to touch you and capture your emotions, which means that it will be more difficult for him to quickly change his behavior to touch you.
- Do not accept aggressive remarks at your own expense – on the contrary, take the side of the aggressor. To “Let’s Go Here”, “Youth is Gone Now”, answer: “Yes, really, I’m shocked.”
- Bring the situation to absurdity, agreeing with everything . “Are you crazy ?!” – “Yes, there are a few.” Speak deliberately calm and measured. The interlocutor quickly runs out of opportunities to attack, because you do not start.
- Confused . Give a reaction that a person does not expect – dramatically change the subject: “Oh, the helicopter flew!” You can cry or laugh out loud
- Abstract . While the stranger is saying something to you, imagine the sea, the forest, the sky… Treat the brawler like a fly: buzz and stop.
