Almost every mother, sooner or later, faces a delicate problem: a child takes someone else’s thing for himself … But don’t panic! The matter is fixable
It’s embarrassing when your cute baby accidentally grabs a couple of lollipops from the store. But there is no need to dramatize and see him as a future gangster. Preschool children are not yet fully able to draw a line between their own and others: understanding comes with time. At 1-3 years old, the child calmly plays with any toys that lie on the playground. From 4 to 6 years old, he already understands that he is taking someone else’s, but is not always able to assess whether this is good or bad. But by the age of 7, the child develops his own internal censor.
Where to begin?
The sooner you begin to instill in your daughter or son the concept of personal property, the easier the child will learn the rules and the less likely it is to face the problem of theft in the future.
● Teach your child to always ask, “Can I have this?” Not only for other people but for you too. And follow this principle yourself.
● It is important that each member of the family (including the younger ones) have their own things that should not be touched without permission. That is, you also do not shift the child’s toys without his knowledge.
● Try to instill in your child the responsibility for personal belongings. Each must be in its place.
● Set the right example: don’t pick up lost money or jewelry on the street yourself. After all, this is how you let the child understand: everything that lies badly can be taken away.
Taking someone else’s gain?
Do you try to comply with all of the above principles, but does the child still take someone else’s from time to time? The reasons may be different.
● Desire to be like everyone else, to fit into the team. When there is a wave of popularity of fairies, ponies, or Bakugan, the child wants to keep up with others. What if the parents don’t buy? Yielding to impulse, the baby takes someone else’s and fills the need to be part of the team.
● The desire to compensate for the lack of warmth and care. Often, parents pay off their children with gifts instead of spending half an hour playing. And this model is assimilated: since I am sad and lonely, I just need to take the things that I like, and it will become better.
● An attempt to get attention. Previously, your head was busy with your own affairs, but as soon as your son or daughter stole something in the store, you immediately switched to them.
● Thirst for revenge. A child who lacks peer support (in a kindergarten group, class) can secretly take the things of his offender, break or hide them – and win a moral victory.
But you can find out all this only if you talk calmly with the child.
What will mom say?
It is important that parents clearly understand: in this unpleasant situation, you cannot oppose yourself to the child. On the contrary, one must be with him, try to understand and help.
● Scolding is useless. Because when you chastise him, it’s like you are telling him: “I am very good and correct, and you violate my prohibitions, which means you are bad.” Alas, such a reaction can be called typical. When the fact of “stealing” is revealed, we, first of all, think about ourselves: “Am I a bad mother? What will people say? And we begin to attack the child.
● Find out the reason for this behavior. Just don’t ask “why?” – the offender will defend himself and withdraw into himself. Better ask: “Why did you do it? What exactly did you want?” When he talks, try to suggest another way out of the unpleasant situation that forced him to take something from someone else.
● Explain with examples. Invite your child to imagine that his favorite toy was taken away from him. Ask if he’s upset. In the same way, it is insulting and sad to another kid, from whom he took a typewriter without asking. At primary school age, you can cite your favorite teacher as an example (“imagine that someone takes a thing from him”). And with older children, it’s better to discuss the situation, starting from their communication with peers (“if you take a thing from a leader, you won’t become as cool”).
The older the child caught red-handed, the more important it is to look not at him, but at yourself and the family as a whole. Who is he repeating? What is he trying to compensate? You may also need to consult a psychologist … In any case, the most important thing is to have an open dialogue with the child and be on his side, no matter what happens.