As usual, it was a busy day. In the morning you met with the master to discuss the kitchen renovation. At lunchtime, I rushed to the bookstore to buy my son a math manual. After work, I went to the shopping center to choose a gift for my friend.
You made it home with no energy left. So I want to lie down, relax, but … The husband, looking at the TV, annoyedly remarked: “Oh, what is happening in the world! And you’re a bit late today. When are we going to have dinner?..” The twelve-year-old son did not notice your arrival at all – he buried himself in his laptop and, judging by his giggle, was not busy with lessons at all. Sighing, you trudged to the kitchen – you have to feed the family …
At such moments, tears well up in your eyes: why doesn’t anyone help you? The husband could himself agree with the master, and the son could go for manuals. Friends are good too! You offered to donate to Inka for her birthday – and everyone decided that you would collect the money and buy a gift. All this is so unfair!
Silence out of habit. It is pointless to wait for others to take over some of the worries. Firstly, they themselves are unlikely to want to: agree, being lazy is much more pleasant than working. Secondly, loved ones may not even know that you need help. Do not be surprised! After all, you yourself taught them to take everything upon yourself. And this is wrong. And you should tell your loved ones about it.
Snowball. If you keep silent and continue to do everything yourself, then sooner or later your strength – not only physical but also moral – will be at the limit. And this is dangerous! Fatigue and irritation set in. And whatever you do, nothing will bring satisfaction.
Moreover, at some point you will not stand it and explode, accusing your loved ones of ingratitude and inattention. And they, most likely, will not even understand your claims, because they did nothing wrong – they behave the same as always.
So leave the accusations! Not only will they not help, but they will also lead to resentment and discord in the house. It is better to gather a family council and try to explain to your loved ones what does not suit you and how you propose to change the existing situation. Then, together, decide how to distribute responsibilities. But at the same time, everyone must say what kind of housework he is ready to take on.
For the good of the business. By entrusting others with some business, you thereby render them a service. Sounds pretty weird? But it is so! The child, performing simple tasks, masters new skills. And the husband, having taken responsibility, grows in his own eyes: “I did it, I decided – I am a man!” This is how you help your loved ones develop.
In addition, the division of responsibilities has a positive effect on the result as a whole. No one person can do everything equally well, because everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. And everyone should be given the opportunity to show their abilities. Otherwise, many talents will not be revealed!
But do not expect that as soon as you ask for help, relatives will happily rush to provide it. Habits are hard to change! Be patient, but persistent, and most importantly – do not interfere with the process yourself.
Husband. Whatever you entrust him with, he has only excuses: I don’t know how to iron, I don’t understand children’s homework, I don’t remember food prices, and in general, you do everything better than me … And he’s right! It is worth asking him about something – he will dig for three hours, and then you have to redo everything. He even manages to hang his linen crookedly – it’s simply impossible to look at!
Give him freedom. If you want your husband to help you, do not deny him the right to do everything in his own way – long, detailed, and not as perfect as you. And don’t control his every move by intervening with your advice. He will figure everything out himself. Just say, “Do it, please. Good? I’m counting on you.”
Children. Are you tired of reminding the children that it would be nice to help you clean the apartment? Much easier to do it yourself! And to be honest, I feel sorry for them: they are asked so much at school – they have no time to take a walk or play. Let them rest while they can.
Think about their future. You are partly right. Children need to walk and relax, but they also need to learn – including cooking and hammering nails. Otherwise, life will be difficult for them! Yes, it’s easier to do everything yourself, but this is not the best solution: by not accustoming children to work, you are doing them a disservice.
Friends. You always saved everyone. But when you got into trouble, your friends only sympathized but did not offer their help. Have they always used you?!
Allow yourself to be weak. Do not rush to conclusions! Perhaps you have inspired yourself that you must be strong, so you are afraid to show your weakness and ask someone for help? Reach out to friends first. If they do not respond, then you will think about the price of your friendship. Remember: sympathize with the strong, but help the defenseless.