When one of the spouses wants to end the marriage, one must first assess whether the family has the potential to exist or whether the relationship has exhausted itself. Of course, it is better to do this with the help of a specialist – a psychologist. After all, decisions to leave are not a momentary impulse, but a consequence of accumulated problems in marriage. Can these problems be solved? Does the couple have the desire to seek these solutions?
In what cases is it worth keeping a family?
It seems to me that in the case when one of the partners does not have such a desire and he firmly wants to leave, it is pointless to keep him. It is easier to let go and work with the second partner specifically to let go and support in a new situation. After all, every end is always a beginning. New events, new meetings, new relationships.
If the family has potential, although both of them swear, even fight, they want to save the relationship, it is necessary to deal with what led the marriage to a critical point. A woman is responsible for relationships within the family – for their emotional background, character, quality. A man is responsible for external relations, for relations with the outside world. Therefore, a woman has to take on the role of a peacemaker. So, initiate a visit to a psychologist. But what else can be done to save the relationship?
Tango is always danced by two
First, I sincerely advise all women not to use the word “divorce” as a means to threaten their husbands in family conflicts or as a way to test their worth to a man. If you say “I’ll get a divorce” at every quarrel or you pack your things and go to your mother, you put a certain program in the man’s head “if she leaves me so easily, then she probably doesn’t really care and need me.” It is not surprising that one day you may hear “get a divorce” or never wait for your husband to come to pick you up from your mother.
Secondly, remember that there are always two people who dance the tango. Responsibility for problems in a couple lies with both of its participants. Of course, it is easy to notice other people’s mistakes, but what can I say, we only notice them. But how to notice your own?
Why does a man want to leave the family?
1. Rival. The presence of a third in marriage is like a litmus test of existing problems. And both spouses answer them. But in this case, the woman also has to face the betrayal of her husband. After all, feeling problems, he could solve them in another way, without having a mistress. I think in this case, the only safe way to deal with infidelity is to accept that it is a consequence of the problems that you both started, and not a sign that you are unwanted or unloved by your husband. Do not take betrayal personally, but consider it … like a cobweb in a house – if you don’t clean it for a long time, then the house will overgrow with it. And again, it is useful to know that the triangle is always swinging by the figure that is not satisfied with the current state of affairs. If your husband’s mistress comes to sort things out with you, and not your husband, this means that the mistress wants to change. The husband does not intend to leave the family. No need to play along with your mistress and start expelling your husband.
2. The influence of significant loved ones. It’s no secret that many, especially young spouses, live with someone’s parents. Often, it is not necessary to live in the same territory. Someone can be so attached to his mother that he discusses with her every micro nuance of the relationship. And this mother, sincerely loving her daughter or son, begins to give the best and wisest advice or “do good,” as we psychologists say. Very soon it turns out that three people participate in family life, only the mother of one of the spouses acts instead of a mistress. Or dad. One of the spouses who finds himself alone (minority) is forced to either compete with such a significant relative or simply wants to leave. You can save such a couple, often it’s enough just to leave, go to a rented apartment, room, hostel, and then it turns out that the contradictions in the relationship are not so strong,
3. Prioritization. Many women go headlong into motherhood, but forget to get out of it after the three-year period necessary for nature. In this case, the family model looks like a “mother + child”, and the father hangs out somewhere nearby, simply ensuring the functioning of this pair. How then can a man not feel superfluous?
Some women plunge headlong into their careers, and at home, there is a husband who at least sometimes needs to be asked “how are you?” and, most importantly, to hear the answer.
4. Manipulation of sex. Someone uses sex as a tool to influence a man. She refuses sex if, in her opinion, a man behaves “badly”. So why be surprised if a man goes to a woman for whom sex is a pleasure, not a way of blackmail.
5. Loss of sexual interest. I really like to go to the circus, I often watch mothers with children there. Young women, every second of which is overweight. Very superfluous – from 10 or more kilograms. The kids look like they are 4, 5, or even 7 years old. You can gain weight during pregnancy and lactation, but why can’t you get rid of it 7 years after giving birth? Does the husband like such a blurry kilogram for 20 wives?
These are just a few of the mistakes we all make in relationships. Try to find and correct your mistakes. Maybe this will spur a partner to find and fix their own?
Timeout is not a divorce
Sometimes men need a break in a relationship. There is no need to be afraid of a man wants to take a time out, says that he wants to leave and live separately. Sometimes, getting out of the hustle and bustle of the daily routine allows you to understand what is good and valuable in a person, in your relationship with him. In a calm environment, rethink what was wrong and what can be corrected. A time-out is not yet a divorce, you do not need to create tension in what is already stretched to the limit.
Be that as it may, I believe that we should give each other another chance. If in our cynical and such a lazy-consumer world, two people meet and spend a lot of time and effort to create a couple, to be with each other, often not because of something, but in spite of, perhaps a little more effort is needed to make this did the couple live? Remember how you met this person and why you fell in love. Doesn’t he deserve a second try?
