Resentment in a close relationship sometimes drags on for life … How to avoid this?
Very often, children’s competition for the attention of parents, toys, and the right to sit in the most comfortable chair does not disappear with age, but, on the contrary, becomes more serious. How to deal with resentment at the “more beautiful” sister or “forever little” brother so that peace finally comes to the family?
… a younger sister
Surely as a child, you were very annoyed by the demands of your parents to set a good example for your younger ones. When your sister cheerfully drove the dust with a broom and had fun with toy dishes, you cleaned the room and washed the dishes. Unfortunately, the birth of the youngest daughter in the family automatically makes the eldest “big”, even if she is only three years old. Urgent requests from parents to give up their favorite doll to the sister, to give the most beautiful sticker deprive the elder of not only interesting activities but also a piece of childhood, loading in return with responsibility. When she grows up, she often continues to fight for the attention of mom and dad, defending her right to care and sympathy. But many parents continue to habitually believe that the younger one needs help, and the older one will cope with everything herself. Surprisingly, the youngest is sure that this is how it should be!
How to restore justice?
Don’t wait for help, ask for it. Parents and younger sisters inadvertently deprive you of attention, out of habit counting on your responsibility and independence. Let them know that you need support as much as anyone else.
Abandon the philosophy of altruism in favor of healthy selfishness. Helping loved ones, negotiate with them about what you would like to receive in return. For example, if your sister asks you to take her to the airport, remind her that you are leaving for a business trip in a week and also expect her to see you off.
Stop treating your sister as your parents’ favorite. Their overprotectiveness is evidence that they do not believe in her strength and abilities. So which one of you do they value more?
… the older sister
The problems of younger daughters are sometimes no less. It’s not so easy to constantly hear how smart your older sister is: she cleans up toys faster and studies better! And when you have to wear her dresses and hear ridicule from her “adult” girlfriends over your inept attempts to find your style, then there is no confidence in your attractiveness. Therefore, the younger ones often envy the older ones.
How to get rid of a painful feeling?
Don’t envy success, learn from it. It’s great that you have a person next to you who you can always ask for advice.
Try to objectively assess the pros and cons of both of you. Take your general photo and try to find those features of appearance that distinguish you from your sister. Believe me, your parents set your older sister as an example so that you would follow her, learn something faster, and not at all because she is superior to you in some way.
Communicate with your sister more often, go shopping and go to parties together. This way you will understand each other better and get closer.
… younger brother
There is less competition in the relationship between sister and brother than between sisters, but there are fewer points of contact. But the father has more common interests with the long-awaited “heir”, which offends the girl because before the birth of her son she was her father’s “princess”! Often because of this, the sister moves away from the brother. Having matured, she wants to see him as a protector, but he is used not to help, but to obey.
How to get close?
Show more respect for your brother. Show that you have not considered him a little boy for a long time and appreciate his masculine point of view. Do not be afraid to show your weaknesses in order to turn from a strict nanny into a little sister.
Help your brother in communicating with girls. Who, besides you, will be able to give him valuable advice in this area?
Introduce your brother to the company of your friends. If his parents are too protective of him, he needs to see how other men behave in order to get rid of infantilism and spoilage.
…older brother
The elder brother often ignores his sister or makes fun of her. And the girl is desperately trying to prove that it can also be interesting with her. To become closer to her brother, she adopts his habits, learns to fight, understands cars and football. But this doesn’t always help.
How to melt the ice in a relationship?
Show your brother your love. Surely he often heard from his parents that he should take care of his sister, be gentler with her. Create conditions for him to express his feelings.
Use your father as an intermediary. A more emotional mother can put pressure on her brother, causing rejection in him.
Enlist the support of his friends. If they say that you are a cool sister, sooner or later the brother will listen to them.