Until mid-June, the heads of all Ukrainian graduates will be occupied with one thing: how to pass the ZnO? The heads of their parents are busy with the same. Nervous mothers endlessly double-check schoolchildren, scandals often arise in the family …
“Lisa” has prepared a recipe for you on how to survive your child’s exams and not go crazy! To refrain from criticism and swearing is only possible for those who know Zen.
But to make criticism effective, so that it helps the child, and does not slow down his impulses – you can do it! Check out our 7 tips.
Tip 1: don’t be offended
Even if the child is guilty and really deserves a harsh word addressed to him, never stoop to insults, let alone scolding.
“What a fool you are”, “your head is full of holes”, “you are dumber than N” – such phrases are unacceptable in your communication. Exams will be held, the quarrel will end in reconciliation.
But your memory will helpfully slip your insults to the emerging adult for more than one year, even if you apologized a long time ago.
Tip 2: Don’t Generalize
“It’s always like this with you”, “You are forever …” – this is not a criticism, this is a desire to offend in its purest form. The child has committed a specific offense. At this moment. Scold him just for this – and you don’t need to tie all your old troubles here!
Tip 3: Don’t criticize in front of strangers
Teenagers are vulnerable like no other. So never start criticizing a child in front of strangers. It is desirable to extend this rule to family members.
It is necessary to discuss the situation with the offender – do it in private.
Tip 4: Pick the Right Target
In criticism, it is very important to be aware of what its purpose is. When it comes to exams, ask yourself before you start a fight: what do you really want to discuss right now? His bad temper, irresponsibility, and infantilism? Or maybe still poor preparation for ZnO?
If the first – the child’s psyche will react with a barrier. Because she doesn’t understand what her mother wants. She scolds her character – so she says “I don’t love you the way you are”? No, the child does not want to let this thought into the conscious mind.
And if mom scolds for a poorly learned topic, the decision is more than clear – this and that must be done to make everything right.
Tip 5: Suggest an alternative
Constructive criticism is distinguished from others by its ability to suggest an alternative. Don’t like the way it is now? Tell me how to do it right!
And be honest with yourself and your child! If he didn’t learn irregular verbs because he spent two days in mathematics, it’s not fair to scold him for this!
Tip 6: Look from the perspective of a child
Often our children get punished not because they did something bad for themselves, but because they did something inconvenient for us. Each time, before criticizing, honestly answer yourself the question, what is really in danger because of the child’s oversight – his future or your comfort?
Tip 7: Be honest
If you scold for something that you don’t really consider gross misconduct, the child feels it. So being a strict mom “for the show” is better not to try.
And more about honesty: if you feel that you went too far, be sure to say so. And don’t forget to apologize! The child appreciates and trusts adults who appreciate and trust him. Enough to tell the truth: “I’m sorry, I said too much”, “I was wrong”, “I regret that I did so.”
Whatever happens, try to remember: you are the closest person in the world to a child. This, of course, means that you can easily hurt him. But it will also be easier for you to help, support, and guide you because a child is a part of you, the dearest creature on earth.
